Continued from previous post

After my hot shower, I slipped into bed with my journal in hand. I was still thinking about Jonathan Bryant, and those pink roses when I fell off to sleep.

The following weeks were uneventful. My vacation was fast

approaching, and I really needed to get away. A trip away from my old

memories, and the security of the smallness of my hometown would be

what I needed. I could feel the rippled wave of excitement as I marked the following days from my calendar.

Now at the beach, I’m happy that I left work early to avoid the traffic. Also, relaxed and comfortable in bed and eager for the early morning walk along the shore .

Tonight, the waves seem to have a lazy sort of delicate crashing sound. The breeze is pleasantly cool enough to open the windows, turn

off the A/C, and drink in the melodious sound of the ocean.

The following new morning is beautiful, and while walking I have found almost perfect sea shells, and occasional pieces of smoothed green and blue glass in the fine sand. The ocean’s treasure box given from the depths of her floor.

As I wander through the lapping edges of the ocean, my thoughts turn

to my late husband. There were many early morning and late evening

walks with him on this very same beach. Where had all the years gone?

How did what started out as a beautiful relationship end with such

anger, bitterness and death? Why were we never able to put our

feelings of anger aside long enough to mend the negative relationship

we had each created?

I’ve wandered this sandy ocean edge for the past three summers since

his unfortunate death. Each year, I play the same questions over and

over again in my head. I have yet to come up with an answer to put to rest all that I’ve regretted for so very long.

I wish he was here with me once again walking in the sand. I wish the

anger had never occurred. I wish the unanswered and unresolved

questions had never begun for either of us. Most of all, I wish what

must happen to each of us in a relationship sooner or later had ended

with feelings of ecstasy…..memories of good will and much love.

Another night, and the replay of my thoughts tumbling deep within combined with the relaxing ocean’s roar…..the breeze on the billowing curtains at the opened windows…..lulled me to sleep feeling this year as before. Like the ocean, sliding back away from the shore…..I too, must release my memories of the past.

I must return to this beach in a few months to clean out the material memories and sweep away my tumbling thoughts. I must make my decision about whether to keep my beloved cottage. I must focus once again on my personal life without my husband!

Now back in Bedford and at work, the coffee is brewing and my tasks begun. My boss, “W.T.” is away on his vacation, and it is a nice way for me to slip back into my work routine.

In the backlog of mail, I find a personal looking note addressed to me.

Upon opening, I find an invitation to attend an event at the estate of,

Mr. Jonathan Bryant. Why on earth would he have even thought I

might wish to attend? I was under the impression we each had been

happy when that unfortunate lunch date had ended several months ago.

As I write in my journal tonight, and with much thought…..I

decided to attend this function. I do have that new dress I’ve been

saving for some special occasion. I just need to buy new shoes, purse, and I can use my present accessories. For now, I’ll RSVP, and not give much thought to this unexpected invitation.

It will be the ideal setting to meet new friends in this casual atmosphere. You either see the best or worse of a person in such a setting. This helps

you sort through any issues you might have had with them. Hopefully,

not in a judgmental way.

Bedford is small, but there are new people continually moving to

the area. They are attracted to the characteristics of our small town. Even though I am fond of our locals, a new face/personality/different stories will be a fresh welcome. In fact, it will be appreciated.

Rick Harvey is one of our local citizens. He is in his 60’s, a rotund

gentleman whose stature resembles that of Santa Clause. He has a nice smile, is a happy sort of person, and I don’t believe I’ve ever known him not to be smiling. When no one else understands his jokes…..he laughs anyway…..he always has been his own best audience. Sometimes, I wonder if in some instances those who seem to be the

most comedic really are the ones with the most serious inner conflicts (sometimes)

New to our area are Becky and Hector Whitten. They are the former

owners of a rather large alpaca ranch in Texas. The wife is a hysterical

story teller, and never meets a stranger. She is a tall willowy blonde

with a beautiful smile. She speaks to everyone she meets. Hector is a

pleasant man with a definite attraction to his wife. They seem a well

matched pair with a love for home, flowers, animals, and a kindness for

everyone they meet.

Then there are locals, Dave Simpson and his wife, Nola. Dave is a

sleepy looking loner with the personality of mashed potatoes. He really

thinks himself to be a lady’s man. He jokes his way through life, and

force hugs every female regardless of her acceptance or not. Each of us

knows he is mentally recording every curve of our body while in his

grasp. No one says anything because his wife is well respected in the

community. He on the other hand has a go with the flow mentality.

I guess when you get right down to it, maybe a lot of us are laughing on

the outside to mask our inner hurts and problems. You know, maybe

that isn’t a bad thing to do after all. It is better than being so absorbed

with conflicts and issues within that we become stone faced and zombie-

like.

Well, these are examples of some of the people who will no doubt attend

Jonathan’s affair. He always invites a varied mix of people so I hear. I

imagine it makes for a more interesting evening.

The evening has arrived for Jonathan’s party, and as I drive past the old magnolia trees up the lengthy and winding driveway to the estate, I feel a combination of nervousness and excitement! The evening will be a nice diversion from my butterfly safaris, turtle adventures and photography shoots. This party will be the event of the season!

The estate is exquisite with an expansive foyer which opens to a living

area complete with a baby grand piano in the foreground. Jonathan’s

love of art is apparent all through the colorful home. Massive paintings hang over each ornate mantel throughout and are by a noted artist, and other paintings have depicted his many travels abroad. There are family antiques, and oriental rugs accent every room. The Tiffany stained glass and murals are breath-taking, and the estate leaves nothing incomplete or without thought in planning.

French doors open to a glassed-in porch filled with every variety of orchids and ferns. The room overlooks brick terraces, and a swimming pool with lovely views of the river below.

Outside, gardens overflow with the beauty of rose arbors, annuals, perennials, and there are paths meandering with graceful twist and turns leading to the welcomed surprise of butterfly gardens.

There is a screened gazebo (one of several) with an illuminated Koi pond which encircles its quiet beauty. It flows under and around the gazebo leading to another garden filled with the fragrance of gardenias.

At the rear of the landscaped property many feeders are dotted here and there throughout the bird sanctuaries. The dusk is now lulling the many inhabitants to sleep to be awakening in song with the first morning’s light.

I guess I’m a bit stunned that this boastful man has such a splendid selection of varied styles of art, elegant furnishings, and landscaping. It is evident why he is rarely seen in town. Even though beautiful beyond words of description, the upkeep both inside and out must defy and stagger the imagination!

I could never understand why Jonathan had never married. He was

handsome, wealthy, owned this beautiful vast estate, but his humble

gene was not in short supply!

You know, I’ll bet I could be a good match for him. He would be a tremendous challenge, but I’ll wager I could bring the humbleness from deep within his soul. It might be worth a try…..AND, I do love pink

roses. After all, I had released my memories to the ocean waves while on vacation. They are now far out to sea and far away from me.

The evening gala was an exciting affair, and I really enjoyed visiting

with old and new friends (even those I spoke of earlier) In doing so I

realized what had been missing from my life the past few years. I had

missed the interaction with others while allowing myself to become

trapped within the security of my surroundings.

While saying goodbye to Jonathan, he held my hands in his with

warmth and firmness. He smiled while looking deep into my eyes, and

taking me aside asked if I would like to try lunch with him again

sometime soon. This evening’s enjoyable festivities have come to an

end, and they give me something to ponder as I drive back into town

to my home.

This morning, the night after such a pleasant occasion, I am filled with

a renewed excitement. It is an expectancy and longing for someone

special in my life. It is for someone to once again walk with me along a

shared path into a future without end.

The ringing phone broke my deep thoughts. It was Jonathan suggesting we try a different place for lunch since we had not gotten off before to such a good start. I told him I was sorry, but “W.T.” had phoned from

out of town again to ask if I could stay during my lunch hour. He was arranging a very important conference call, and he needed me in the office amid reference materials. We decided to arrange another lunch date the following week, and he asked if he could meet me at the office.

When the appointed time arrives the door opened and Jonathan enters.

My heart skips quite a few beats as I receive his warm and slightly

crooked smile. Oh, he is very handsome and tanned from his many

travels all over the world. He has such a slender physique for his age,

and appears muscular through and through. Huh? He said, “I asked if

you’re ready for another lunch with me?” Yes, I replied, “Let’s give it

another try.”

“You know, you look lovely, and your dress is one of my favorite shades

of blue. It is the perfect match to your eyes…..which, by the way are

very pretty too.” Why thank you, Jonathan! You’re really trying hard

to redeem yourself aren’t you? We laughed as we approached his car. ( I

do feel slightly giddy and somewhat like a teenager on a first date, but

as my years indicate…..I know exactly what is taking place)

I guess since it is mid week this lunch location isn’t too busy. We almost

have the dining room to ourselves. This time we scan our menus, and

we order without too much conversation. While waiting the light

chatter begins.

Q. Anne, how long has it been since Jim died?

A. About three years.

Q. I’m surprised I haven’t seen you out socially.

A. It has taken me a while to deal with some personal issues.

Q. Do you mind if I ask what they were?

A. Anne remained quiet while he moved on to the next question

not missing a beat.

Q. How long was Jim employed with his company?

A. About 32 years. He was due to retire in two years when he suddenly collapsed and died.